We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
