Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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