Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
