will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
