you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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