The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
