We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
