I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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