ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
