u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
