..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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