We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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