I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
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