my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
