ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
