I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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