So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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