We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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