When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
