Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I seem to have left my pride at pride
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
vagina is talking i cant
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
