ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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