you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
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