oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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