She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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