Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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