he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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