I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
