Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
