Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
My vagina just clenched in fear
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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