What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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