Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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