It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
