At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Operation Purity has been aborted
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
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My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think i got beer on your cat.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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