you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
