She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize