we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
