Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
