I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
