I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
