someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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