Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
