there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
