sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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