so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
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What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We left the knife in your bed.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
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Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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