tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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