His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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