I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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