I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
