I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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