Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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