Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
