I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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