So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
