I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
