broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
