I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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