Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
