My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
