my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
