Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I need a beard to bite.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
