A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
