Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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