Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
