My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
