i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
