And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ketchup is God's man juice
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
