Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
