I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
