My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
