From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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