I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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