i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
