so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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