So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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